Question:
Why are my kids out of school today?

Answer:
Seriously. I don’t know.

Another question:
How are you celebrating this monumental holiday of great importance? Should I bake a cake?

Another answer:
My daughter is at a classmate’s birthday party and will spend the afternoon with her friends putting together a dance number for a talent show. My little guy is driving me up a wall. My oldest kid is watching Hillary Clinton on television.

Reading and eating:
I might try to make stuffed crust pizza tonight for dinner. Or not. I’m reading In Defense of Food by “that one guy” - if I don’t change “that one guy”, it means I forgot to look up his name (or that I thought that would be funny if I left it that way. His name is Michael Pollan.) Anyway, reading that book is confusing me. I mean, I know that things with leaves are in and we’re aufing things with wrappers. I’ve known this forever. But it’s SO HARD to eat that way. So far I know the author eats tomatoes and olive oil. I think he is in favor of butter. And chocolate cake. And larvae. I am down with all of the above except the larvae. Unless he gives the thumbs up to BBQ sauce, maybe.

Disappointment:
I worked all weekend and don’t have one good crazy person story to share about it. Except, I think a lady was holding her contact lens in her mouth while she was talking to me. Her male companion warned her not to swallow it.

My 13-year old son says:
“I don’t wear meat and I don’t eat fur.”