cool beans

This is the last post of NaBloPoMo 2007. Though I almost forgot yesterday and was really stuck a couple of times, I made it. I found that when I was stuck for something to write about, if I started typing and let anything spill out, I eventually hit on something. Aside from reaching my goal to post daily, I wrote some things that are new favorites. That makes this NaBloPoMo a success.

The things I liked:

• The Great Pumpkin Rescue
  
• I H A T E C A R S
• It’s Just A Jump To The Left
• Reflections on my paper journal. (Which was reposted at RealMental.)
• Here’s how you make some pizza, lazypants.
• Similar Features, Shorter Hair (Also reposted at RealMental.)
• Mahna Mahna (Polished up for this repost of a favorite from my archives.)
• Broccoli Slaw
• Word Burglars

I say that I write for me because if I like what I write, someone else probably will, too. I believe that no one should love my archives more than me, but I do write with you in mind. I hope that you’ll find something here that is funny, touching, interesting, amusing, friendly, and/or informative. I hope your visit here is a nice break in your day and that you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoy writing it.

Friday’s Feast

Appetizer
What is your favorite carnival/amusement park ride?

We haven’t been to an amusement park in ages. But I like roller coasters that don’t go upside down.

Soup
How do you react in uncomfortable social situations?

It depends on my role in the group. Usually I will make lame jokes or shove my foot into my face. If there’s an opportunity for me to take charge and try to solve the awkwardness, I’ll take it. This is how I often end up with too much to do.

Salad
On a scale of 1-10 with 10 being highest, how much do you enjoy discussing deep, philosophical topics?

I’d really love to talk about Project Runway or Top Chef or whatever reality television program I’m currently following. I’d also like to point and make fun of people with you. I used to like to discuss “deep thoughts”, but I’ve found that 1) I get interrupted too often to hold my train of thought, 2) I have anxiety afterward if the conversation partner(s) didn’t see eye-to-eye with me, 3) I hate discussing an angle or defending a point that I might feel 100% differently about tomorrow or next Thursday, 4) I’d rather gossip, and 5) most of that shit doesn’t matter anyway. Shut your hole and get busy living it.

Main Course
Did you get a flu shot this year? If not, do you plan to?

I didn’t get a flu shot. We don’t do shots. Especially flu shots. We arm ourselves with Vitamin C and Oscillococcinum. I also get a bit crazy about the kids getting enough sleep during cold and flu season. “GO TO BED OR THE FLU WILL EAT YOUR FACE OFF!”

Dessert
Approximately how many hours per week do you spend watching television?

I spend too many hours a week watching television. Now that we have DVR, I can at least watch when I “have time”. Here’s what I watch on a regular basis:

• America’s Next Top Model
• The Hills
• Project Runway
• The Office
• My Name Is Earl
• Random Food Network programming
• Something else I’m surely forgetting

Because you’ve always wanted to know: How to draw a stick figure.

First, I have a cold. It is starting to suck on a hardcore level. In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if this turns out to be the real deal flu.

Second, I highly recommend listening to the audio version of Stephen King’s On Writing: A Memoir of The Craft. Even if you don’t want to know how to write more better. It is entertaining all on its own.

Third, I always flush public toilets with my foot. I know there is a risk of losing my balance and stepping into the bowl, but I don’t want to touch the flusher with my hand. Today at work I flushed the toilet with my left foot and noticed I was wearing a brown shoe. With my black pants. I put my feet together and looked down to verify the blackness of my pants and the brownness of my shoes.

Oh, shit.

I was wearing one brown and one black shoe.

Again.

In “How to Stop Content Theft: The Best Tips“, Lorelle discusses what bloggers can do to undermine the efforts of the word burglars of the internet. (You can read more about splogs and scrapers here and here.)

In the comments, Mike Baptiste said,

Most is just excerpt, link, and trackback. I kill the trackback and move on because it’ snot clear what they are doing in that instance is illegal.

I can’t leave it at that. I’ve found that my content is being scraped and it is beyond maddening. While scrapers do provide everything Mike said, they do not attribute the work to me. They say, “‘George Somebody’ or ’super teen lesbian hottie’ wrote an great post today. Here’s an excerpt…” It links to my blog, but not to me, my name, who you know me to be.

Why should I hassle with this? If they have ads on their website (which they do because what is the purpose otherwise?), they are making money on content that is not theirs and is not attributed accurately. The content is mine and any revenue generated from it belongs to me, not them. Google is sending checks to the wrong people.

I reported the scrapers I found to Google AdSense over the weekend and received an email response that was the equivalent of “Get a lawyer and jump through these hoops.”

This is how word burglars get away with it. When I get a letter that warns me that I could be responsible for the other party’s legal fees if the claim isn’t settled in my favor, and that I should seek legal counsel, I am intimidated. I stop. I fume and shake my fist and Google keeps cutting checks to the bad guys.

I don’t host ads on my blog because 1) my free host doesn’t allow it and 2) I don’t want my blog to be my work. But having to track down the people who are making money off this content makes me rethink that position. Perhaps I should be paying myself to work so hard to protect what is mine.

How much of this is the ad program’s responsibility to ensure they’re not paying out to thieves? All? Some? None?

How annoying would it be to my readers to see a copyright note at the top of each post? How clunky would it be to read, “cool beans at coolbeansmama dot wordpress dot com says” every time? I want my content to be valuable to you, my reader, but unattractive to anyone who wants to scoop up the first few lines to make a buck.

In the limited amount of time I have online this evening, I’d like to look at sugar cookie recipes and also search for ways to prepare and enjoy broccoli slaw.

BROCCOLI SLAW?

What is this magic shredded vegetable goodness hunched shyly to the side of the bagged lettuce case?

I will tell you:

BROCCOLI SLAW.

This is quality blog writing. I anticipate dozens of comments.

Unconscious Mutterings

1. Filthy :: Dirty
2. Therapist :: helper
3. Duck :: Quack
4. Slant :: at a slant
5. Artist :: Prince
6. Lease :: on life
7. Wish :: upon a star
8. Doormat :: my back
9. Global :: warming
10. Apartment :: complex

Nothing revealing here. Let’s arrange the words differently and see what happens.

Dirty helper Quack
at a slant Prince
on life, upon a star
my back
warming
complex

I crack myself up sometimes.

The good:
We had a very nice holiday.

The bad:
Hangover.

The ugly:
I have to work in a couple hours and the hangover is building in intensity.

I turned 30 in 2004. My kids made birthday cards for me. If you haven’t seen this before, you are in for a treat.
_______________

Tuesday was my 30th birthday. It was a nice day and not at all devastating like I thought it would be. I could have lived without the pranks my coworkers pulled, but I’d have felt left out if they hadn’t sabotaged my desk like they’ve done for all the other 30, 40 and 50 year-olds.

My husband gave me Reservoir Dogs on DVD and a book about essential oils. I’ve started reading the book and so far, so good. I already know I like the movie - though I’m not jazzed about seeing the “ear scene” from different camera angles. Like, barf.

I got a phone call from a good friend and for a few minutes, thought I’d been gifted a singing telegram or something. I had NO idea who was singing “Happy Birthday” to me! Woo. She can sing.

My kids gave me the best presents of all. Each of them made a little card for me. I present you with my 10 year-old son’s creation.

This is the outside:

(FYI - “asome” is “awesome”. So, my kid thinks I’m awesome. Neener, internet. Neener. Of course, he thinks I have no arms. Potential drawback. But let’s just focus on the positive. NEENER!)

and the inside:

He also thinks I resemble a possessed Linda Blair when I’m sad about being old. I’m going to have to work on being more lovely when I’m crying. Hmm.

Let me just take a moment here to explain why he signed “or Canadian”. One day while running errands he said something funny to me and as we both chuckled, he said, “I’m a Canadian.” This cracked me up, because at first I thought maybe he was making a joke about Canadians (I love you, I really do, but it’s fun to make fun! Pipe down, Canadians!) but then I realized he meant comedian. We like to joke that we have an illegal Canadian immigrant among us.

And now, because this is really what you’re all waiting for…

My daughter’s birthday present to me:

Didn’t know I was a mega-hottie, did you? Well, now you know. Try to control yourselves, folks. There’s enough of me to go around. As long as you’re careful with the popsicle stick my head is balancing upon.

and the inside:

Somehow, it’s easier to read the inside of the card after it’s scanned. I’m holding the hardcopy and I can tell you, it’s almost unreadable.

To translate:

“I love you Mooooom!

To: A

speshol

Mom

From: C—–!”

“I Love

You an

You are

speshol

as you

can be!”

I asked my son which picture looked more like me. He said his picture probably resembled me more. I then shut one eye, stuck out my tongue and said, “You sure ’bout that?” Later, my husband told me my daughter had said, “I’m going to make Mom laugh with this picture.” She’s the real Canadian here.