Distraction and disconnection
Last week derailed me mentally and physically. I just cannot catch up with myself since the holiday. I feel disconnected, unable to focus and put ducks in a row. I have to get my poop in a group.
There are some current events and news thingies I want to be in the know about, but uh, what? Look! SHINY OBJECT! I need a personal assistant who researches these things for me. Mostly so I can be pissed off about the news in an educated way.
Voices in my head
I’m nervous about Monday. Freaking out that this might not be the right thing to do. Did I enjoy my time at home enough? Could I have soaked more joy, relaxation, tequila out of it? The work itself should be totally okay. I can manage that. It’s the time and the rush and having to be organized and crap every day. If I use the crock pot will I wash it out before it gets yucky so I can use it again and avoid frozen pizzas and Kraft Dinner? Should I just buy another crock pot? What about shoes? Do I have appropriate footwear? Will I get a break? What if I get West Nile from all the skeeter bites I got last week?
These are the ridiculous things that knock around inside my skull.
Yeah, that’s what I said
My behavior today takes me out of the running for this year’s Mother of the Year award. My daughter cannot simply act on a request. She must ask, “Why?” before setting herself in motion. This is something that gets annoying when a child is three. When she’s almost ten? INFURIATING. Insert Beatrix Kiddo red alert here*.
“Please go get me a pair of scissors.”
“Why?”
“Because I’d like to jab them into my eyeball.”
DUH.
Nerds who don’t have cable
My kids were watching Nightline tonight. I heard my daughter tell my son, “There’s Mom’s boyfriend. ‘Dave‘.”
I was in there faster than if she’d said, “Would you look at that, I’m on fire. What?! ‘Stop, drop and roll’? WHY?”
Asterisk
I would like to link to the Beatrix Kiddo “red alert” thing, but it is so very violent. Some of you are really nice people who might be disturbed. Basically, it means “seriously pissed off. with a lot of seriousness.”
I love Dave Matthews. I saw him when I was like seven months pregnant. I cant wait to see him when I can actually do the things you do when you go see Dave Matthews in concert. You know the things? Yeah. Shoot me, but its just not a DM Concert if you arent doing those things.
Also, you are so super fantastic that you will do stunningly well on your first day.
Ha. I know the things. “You all smell wonderful tonight.” Don’t tell anyone I know the things.
Thank you! I know! I’m going to knock ‘em dead! Or pass out. Either or.
Things? What things? Why, whatever are you ladies talking about?
Beatrix Kiddo huh? Boy, do I know those moments. Except with mine, take out scissors and insert Hattori Hanzō’s katana. My daughter used to be so sweet and dutiful…then she learned how to talk.
I believe my nomination for Mother Of The year got lost in the mail. Or it was intercepted by the kid who’s like “yeah right”.
Okay…I have to leave this blog…I can’t stop. I now know your feet reek and you like Ferris Bueller. I’m nosy..can’t help it.
If I were drinking something, it would be shooting out of my nose. I am dying. But with the laughter, and really, if ya gotta go….