cool beans

I heard the title track from this on the radio the other day and I’m having some trouble dealing with it.

See, this is one of my favorite songs and if you like this latest version of it, shame on you. This woman does it so much better.

Click here and scroll down to listen to a bit of the real thing. You could also catch a ride somewhere with me and listen to the whole thing, but then you’d have to listen to me screeching along. With my eyes closed. And head-banging. And crashing into things.

Life is heavy lately. Not all bad. Not all doom and gloom. Just heavy.

There’s…
the loss of a beloved family member.
a scary diagnosis for a friend.
a plane ticket to Iraq.
growing debt.
nightmares.

But I’ve also got…
happy meetings with nice people.
lunch dates with old friends.
a clean kitchen.
a new plan.
coffee.

I spent my twenties as a young wife and mother, thinking that my life felt like playing house. A kid pretending to be a grown-up, making adult decisions with too little life experience. I don’t feel like I’m playing house anymore. I feel like an adult capable of making responsible decisions. I feel like a wife, a mother, a friend. The real thing. Not just for pretend.

I think my twenty-something self thought this would be easier. It’s not. Of course. But the heaviness of this being for real and grown-up and for keeps isn’t bad. It feels better than playing house. More stable, grounded, ordered. Even when things are going crazy, there’s a steadiness now I didn’t possess ten, five, three years ago. It takes a little bit more to pull the rug out from under me.

But just a little bit. Don’t pull too hard.

It’s Saturday morning. I’ve been up for an hour and I’ve loaded the dishwasher, wiped down the counters, made two dozen muffins, cleaned up the subsequent mess and started a load of laundry. I also made coffee and brushed my hair. I haven’t found pants.

The last few weeks with my friend in town were nice. We got to visit a lot this time and I’m glad. She leaves on Monday and there is no way I won’t cry this time. Tonight though, is a celebration. Her brother gets married to the cutest thing ever and they’re sure to throw a great party.

A few days ago I sent my husband an email with a list of all the things we have scheduled for August and a few for September. The list was insanely long. Most of the things on the list were neutral to positive emotionally, and a couple are things I’m really looking forward to. But looking at the list makes me want to run away somewhere beachy where no one can find me for a while.

But I can’t do that, see. Because we saw this episode of Family Guy where Lois goes to prison for going all Winona Ryder and they show the family sitting at home in filth and the baby is dragging his diaper behind him and refusing to eat because he has no more room in the diaper. I told my husband that’s why I can’t leave - I’m afraid it would be like that here without me. He said, “Yeah, it’s not far off.”

Tired of these yet? I’m not. I think they’re fun. Neener on you.

Your Summer Anthem is Don’t Cha by The Pussycat Dolls Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me? Don’t cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me? Your summer forecast: freaky and full of drama!