cool beans

When I got to work this morning, my husband had emailed me a note that his coworker’s 17 year-old daughter died last night. He said, “I think your mom knew her.” My mother and this woman were very close at one time and I babysat for her often. I only remember her 17 year-old as a baby, really. A baby with a pretty name I’d never heard before. I don’t know yet what happened, only that she was so young and was far away from her mother when she died.

When I think of my life and the people in it, I see a large tree stump with many rings. My children in the center with my husband and I standing immediately around them. Then I see other family members and friends and on and on moving outward to the edge where people I used to know and those kind of familiar faces hang out. For a long time, death stayed outside the rings. Lately, though, I see it creeping closer and I sometimes feel like I am holding my breath, waiting for everyone to fall like dominoes. I have to remind myself to exhale.

As I draw in the next breath, I remind myself of my younger sister. She’s lost many people from those inner rings. Once in a while when we’re reminiscing she’ll say, “that was before so-and-so died” or “No, he couldn’t have been there then.” It’s not uncommon for her to fall silent after one of these memories and then quietly say, “Wow, I know a lot of dead people.” And for a woman her age, she does.

Today I’m grateful for those people milling about on my tree stump. From those in the very center with me to those with just a big toe touching the edge of the bark. I’m thankful for the people I keep closest to me and those who I’ve let move farther out. All of them. All of you. Thanks for hanging out on my stump.

From Saturday Six

1. Who is the last person you took a photograph of?

One of my children. Probably the toddler.

2. What decade do you hold the most dear and why?

This question makes me think of VH1. I enjoyed watching the 80s because I had forgotten a lot of the things they highlighted. Like those sticky little miniature octopus thingos? Those were so cool, weren’t they? But I related to the 90s more. I can’t say I hold one decade more dear than any other. In any ten year span of my life, there is really good stuff and really bad stuff. I’ll keep right now, thanks.

3. Take the quiz : What mystical creature are you?

You have GOT to be kidding.

You’re like a fairy. Fairies were the little pixies
that usually lived in the forest with wings
like butterflies and perfect little faces.
they had brown or blonde hair and pale skin
with freckles. They were entergetic, joyful,
playful, very smart, and peaceful. Fairies are
deffinately the most famous of all fantasy
creatures. (If you cannot see the picture, go
to my userpage and look near the bottom. There
should be the picture and description for all
the results)

What Mystical Creature Are You? (Pictures)
brought to you by Quizilla

4. What is your favorite alcoholic beverage?

Long island iced tea or Bacardi and Coke.

5. What do you normally wear to bed?

Nada.

6. READER’S CHOICE QUESTION #24 from Cherie: What movie character do you most identify with?

This should be a multiple choice question. I’m drawing a blank. I don’t think I identify with any movie character. If I could be a character from a movie for a little while, I’d be Jennifer Aniston’s character in Rock Star. What incredible hair! I’m so shallow!

I mentioned that I was going to light a candle and take a bath. I did. It was fabulous. Next time I will lock the bathroom door, though, so I do not have to explain to my son why mommy is taking a bath in the dark and then listen to my husband pee. Dammit, people! I was half a second away from Total Relaxation here. GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!

I wasn’t entirely sold on the soap sample I used. It was good and I smell all warm and delicious and junk, but it’s not quite what I’m looking for. I’m really psyched about trying one of their soaps with mint and EEEEEEEE! I can’t wait to shower in the morning. Mint soap=super goodness.

You do realize, don’t you, that I’m sitting home on a Friday night going on about soap samples and baths? How do I survive my life without a caffeine IV? Each viewing of cool beans should come with a dose of Vivarin. I’ll look into that for you.

In other ultra-exciting news (fasten your seat belts!):

1. I bought the baby a costume for the upcoming holiday. He loves dogs, so I was hoping this would be a huge hit. He’s a little creeped out by it. Here is a picture of the costume:

2. My son has a flag football game in the morning. He also has a sunburn on his face and neck because I forgot his class was taking a little field trip today and spent the day in the sun. Sorry, Tiggs. Mama is dumb, but she loves you. Smooch.

3. We’re going to take a little road trip tomorrow and look at a lot for lease on a private lake. It’s just a lot. No cabin. No flushing toilet. No air conditioning. Excuse me while I laugh till I piss myself.

4. Then we’re going to ditch the kids (YAY) and play poker with strangers. I like playing poker with people I know. Because I’m chicken. Cluck cluck!

5. Sunday I will be making my world famous French Dip. It’s mostly this recipe, with a minor change here and there. No, I’m not telling. But you are welcome to join us. As long as you’re not creepy, stinky or a serial killer kind of person. Okay. Maybe you’re not invited. But I can assure you, it smells outrageous and I have never had a better French Dip.

From Friday Forum

1. Starting with your head down to your toes, what health/beauty products have you used/applied to your body so far today? [For example, shampoo, toothpaste, makeup, cologne/perfume, nail polish, etc.]

Thermasilk shampoo and conditioner, Rachel Perry Tangerine face wash, some generic body wash, foaming shave gel, Dove deodorant, Crest toothpaste, Rachel Perry astringent, and the usual face paint in subtle hues.

2. Do you have a ritual when you take a shower, such as washing your hair first or maybe even brushing your teeth in the shower? If so, what? Do you prefer baths or showers, usually?

I always wash my hair first and I wash my face before applying conditioner. Showers are good for waking up, baths are good for relaxing. I got some new soap samples in the mail today and am going to draw a bath, light a candle and relax.

3. How do you get yourself up and going in the mornings? Coffee? A hot shower? Breakfast? Would you consider yourself a morning person at all? When do you usually get up?

I try to get up by 6:45, though that’s not even early enough. I’m not a morning person. I like a hot shower and I’m picking up my old morning coffee habit again.

4. Do you normally eat breakfast? What do you usually have? Do you usually make it at home or go out for breakfast, or do you prefer not to eat breakfast?

If I don’t stop for a coffee and muffin or bagel, I try to make a fruit smoothie at home and grab a piece of toast on my way out the door.

5. What does your alarm clock sound like? A buzzer, music, or something else? Do you ever set your clock fast so that you push yourself to get ready sooner? Are you usually on time, late, or somewhere in-between?

My alarm clock is my husband sitting on the bed to put on his socks. He wakes with the clock set to both alarm and radio. The alarm clock is set about 15 minutes fast. This drives me crazy because it means I have to do math in the morning. Like I’m not busy enough! I’m on time to work during the school year because I have to get the children to school. They do not always arrive on time. So far this year, we’re doing okay.

However, if you believe George N. Parks, early is on time and on time is late.* If that is indeed the case, we don’t stand a chance.

*That must be someone else’s original quote because it’s all over the place when I Google it. But I first heard it from George - my favorite maniac.

Ms. McDimple is really cookin’ over there at ham & cheese and I am very pleased I stumbled upon her blog. Thank you, curly, for all the faboo reading material. It’s delish.

Very Mom is a faithful reader and faithful commenter and I just can’t get enough of her blog. I would like it very much if she would quit her job and neglect her children and write and post all day long. I would also like her to draw things for me. Anything. Maybe a coloring book. OOH. That’s a great idea. I know you’re reading. So, do that.

I really can’t drink Dr. Pepper after 5PM.

Anyway, head over to Very Mom and read for yourself. Or, if you can’t read, have someone read it to you. She’s very funny and pretty and young and creative. *expletive deleted because I really do love you*

My husband asked me today what I’d like for my birthday. Feeling hopeful, I sent him this link. He said I can have one if he can get one of his internal organs sold. Then he admitted he didn’t know I’m a stand-up comedian.

Now, let’s get serious here for a minute. Why do I want this camera? Surely any other digital camera could do the job and it’s not like I don’t have two or three or four cameras already. And we all know how anti-digital camera I am because there MUST be film or it ain’t really a picture - it’s just blasphemy.

So, yeah, why do I want this thing soooooo much?

Because She has one and She is The Queen and The Coolest and The Bag of Chips and All That. And maybe if I have a cool camera, I’ll be cool, too!

I also want a notebooktypethingo, but my poor husband needs a couple of those organs for himself. I guess.

Tuesday Twosome

Sleep…

1. How many hours on average do you get daily and is it enough?

About 6.5 and it’s not quite enough.

2. Can you sleep anywhere or does it have to be in a bed?

I prefer a bed, but I will sleep in a moving car. Especially if I’m not driving.

3. When you go to sleep, does it you need to be absolutely quiet or do you need a little noise (radio or TV)?

I like a small fan. Whhhhhiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

4. Name two things/situations that can ruin your sleep:

Pajamas and being too warm. Oh, and CRICKETS.

5. Name two things you “must have” in order to sleep comfortably:

Sleepiness and sleeping or otherwise absent children.

_________________________________________

Brainstorm

Trigger #33: What makes you feel good?

Things that make me feel good:

1. Clean sheets.

2. Sleeping babies.

3. My daughter’s giggle.

4. My son reading for fun.

5. The toddler’s feet.

6. My husband.

7. Coffee

8. A good book.

9. My ugly blanket.

10. BLOG COMMENTS.

From Unconcious Mutterings.

1. Self-esteem::bucket
   
2. Migraine::headache
   
3. Phoebe::rocks!
   
4. Nervous::system
   
5. Punctual::not me
   
6. Liver damage::21
   
7. Legal disclaimer::my mom
   
8. Reverend::Jackson (?!)
   
9. Supple::nipple
   
10. Binder::tape gun
    

I need to air out my brain a little bit. Here goes:

• Work this week was just okay. Sometimes, people annoy the living shit out of me.
• My kids have been reasonably well-behaved and if I’m remembering correctly, we got out the door with next to zero problems nearly every morning. We even left early a couple times!
• The big kids brought home their school pictures. They’re cute but one was a little messed up. Since I have a sense of humor, we’ll keep these and skip retakes this year.
• The parents’ meeting on Thursday went well and no one is disappointed I didn’t have the labels counted. WHEW! There is no rush and I can take all year if I need to. One of the mothers in the group is very difficult and filterless. I think we may need to budget in a brain-to-mouth filter for her. Or I might throw things. If that happens, I think we’d need to budget for pom-poms for all the other mothers to swish and shake as they cheer me on. Pom-poms would be cheaper - and lots more fun!
• The friend who is turning 30 next month is almost totally begging me to visit her so we can celebrate together. Her sister is already planning to visit and I could hitch a ride with her. This is so, so tempting, but I don’t think I can swing it. It would eat up the rest of my vacation time until January and would leave me no paid time off if the children get sick and miss school.
• There is never enough paid time off for sick children. In my world, “sick children” is redundant.
• The books I took out of the library three weeks ago are due tomorrow. I checked out five, I think. I haven’t finished even one. I can’t get going with the first one I started and I can’t let it go. Why? Because I’m silly like that. Okay. That’s it. I’m starting the one that was next in line this afternoon!
• That is all.

My friend and I turn 30 next month. She emailed me this morning and said she’s sad to be leaving her twenties and can’t help but feel depressed about it.

Reading about her sadness made realize that I haven’t really thought about it. It also made me realize I have been actively not thinking or talking about it - on purpose. I’m in denial. But it’s silly to fret about because, come on, it’s no big deal, right? It’s just a birthday and birthdays should be fun and happy times. Besides, being 30 instead of 29 makes me official somehow. I’m a real grown-up. You’ll have to take me seriously now because I’m no longer a twenty-something. I’m the Big Three-Oh-My-God…

I DON’T WANNA! When I really think about my birthday this year and I think about my desk being decorated with black balloons and streamers and finding my workspace turned upside down and having to search for my mouse ball (clever pranksters!), I feel a lot like I did when labor got hard and I begged to go home and just stay pregnant forever.

Funny thing is, though, if I were turning 40, I don’t know that I’d be all freaked out. All the 40 year-old women I know seem to have their shit together and they’re hip and happy and settled and groovy. Maybe I just think I’d be cool with it because I’m not really faced with feeling anything about 40 right now.

So, crap. Whatever. Blah. Why is it such a big deal? The alternative to turning thirty doesn’t sound like fun at all, but if we could skip the “Ha ha ha, you’re OLD!” jokes, I’d feel a smidgen better. (Someone remind me I felt this way the next time someone else in the office has a big birthday and I’m standing in front of them pointing and laughing. Thanks.)